If it's broken, can it be healed? And how on earth would you even begin when healing a broken relationship? Unfortunately, most people just continue on doing the same things over and over again, not even realizing what's happening until the relationship falls apart. And by that time, things may have gotten so bad that it seems as if it would be impossible to fix. But you must remember, it didn't get broken overnight and it may take some time and effort to put the pieces back together again.
Steps to Saving a Relationship
Before you can even begin to pick up the pieces, it may help to broaden your perspective. Imagine that you are an innocent bystander looking at the relationship from a distance. Look at all sides of the relationship, not just yours or theirs, but the relationship on its own as well. It's easy to get caught up in your wants and desires versus your partner's wants and desires. In order to make a relationship work, at least some consideration has to be paid to just maintaining the relationship itself.
For example, in order to be a good son or daughter, you put some effort into maintaining the family relationship with your parent or parents. To be a good friend, you do things to maintain that friendship. You may do things that you don't particularly wish to do, but you do them because you enjoy the results that you get from them.
However, in a romantic relationship, you may believe that love should conquer all. And this is a belief that a lot of people may carry around in the back of their minds without even realizing it. Unfortunately, love doesn't automatically make everything work out. Or at least it doesn't unless you also take the time and effort to work through issues as they arise.
Try to determine what the main issues are in the relationship. And remember that each of you contribute to these issues in one way or another. It's never just you or just them.
Talk with each other and see if you can identify general issues issues. Don't be surprised if you each come up with very different ideas as to what the issues are. But before you even start, agree to listen to each other's side and not criticize each other. Try to create a safe space for both of you.
Be willing to own up to your shortcomings. After all, everyone has them. And while they may be part of the problem, remember that most issues are based on people's actions. And actions can be changed.
Be willing to see if you can come to a common ground. Sometimes, just by identifying the issues you can think of some relatively easy ways to resolve them. Other things may be more difficult to resolve, but by being willing to talk about them and work through them you'll greatly increase your chances of creating your own solutions.
But just talking isn't enough. You must also do what's necessary to fix the problems. If your partner is hesitant at first, or refuses to work with you, don't be afraid to move forward yourself. By showing them that you are serious about working things out, it may encourage them to do the same.
Try to focus on the relationship itself. Look for things that will bring the two of you together. Look for ways to show them a little kindness here and there - something that you know they will enjoy. Lighten up a bit. Do something fun, don't take everything so seriously.
Relationship struggles can cause a great deal of stress on both partners. Choose to do things to lessen that stress. Try to remember what brought you both together in the first place. What were the things you did then that you are not doing now? Sometimes that can be the best place to start.
Working together to heal your relationship isn't always easy but it can be enormously rewarding. Difficulties can occur in any relationship, but how you choose to resolve them can not only help you get back together but also create a strong, lasting bond that will last through the years. By working together, you can both create a relationship worth saving.
Written by:Shaelyn Mallory
No comments:
Post a Comment